(Way too deep....)
A Little Meditation
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world."
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.
If you think life is bad...How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
You only get eaten once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard.
Only 2 minutes to get soft. You share your box with 11 other guys.
But worst of all...The only chick that ever sat on your face was your mother.
So cheer up
YOU KNOW YOUR GETTING OLD -- WHEN ''HAPPY HOUR'' IS NAP TIME
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. Also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
DO YOU KNOW WHY THE MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS ROPE THEMSELVES TOGETHER? TO KEEP THE SENSIBLE ONES FROM GOING HOME..
PATIENCE IS : THE ABILITY TO IDLE YOUR MOTOR WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE STRIPPING YOUR GEARS..
BLESSED ARE THE YOUNG FOR THEY SHALL INHERIT THE NATIONAL DEBT..
When I die I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did-- in his sleep
not screaming like the passengers in his car!
ITS HARD TO SOAR WITH EAGLES, WHEN YOUR SURROUNDED WITH TURKEYS.
A bird who lives on a farm decides he is fed up with flying south every winter and decides this year he is going to stay. So as winter comes and all the other birds fly south, he gathers some food and settles in for a nice winter. However, the weather turns too cold and he is running out of food, so he decides he better fly south. But he doesn't even make it out of the farm before his wings freeze up and he crashes to the ground. As the bird is lying on the ground, freezing to death a cow comes along and shits on him. The shit is warm though, and the bird thaws out and begins to sing of his own salvation. The local barnyard cat, hearing the song comes along and eats the bird. There are three morals we can learn from this story.
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who pulls you out of shit is your friend.
3. If you're ever warm and cuddly in a pile of shit, don't sing.
What's the difference between a sewing machine and a lady jogging?
The sewing machine has just one bobbin.
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
Thought for the day:
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.